There have been signs all around me during this process of my dad's death. I should know better to pay attention...and on some level, I think I was...but that denial thing kept me from understanding on a deeper level.
Some people must see it to believe it and others must believe it to see it. I see myself in the latter category especially when it comes to my faith and when Jesus is trying to communicate with me. I know that I was in denial about my dad's death when I first came home...and it wasn't until I was called home for his final 24 hours that I believed he was dying.
For instance, when I first came home that first Saturday (3/12), I went to afternoon Mass at St. Joe's. I picked up a lenten meditation book on my way out and the lenten theme was "I Will Give You Rest". Dad entered Hospice on Ash Wednesday. He died on a Friday...granted, not Good Friday, but the parallels are there.
Today after the funeral service, I grabbed a coffee cup from the cupboard. It happened to be one of those cups that had "Mark" on it and then a description of the meaning of his name. He's had the cup for many years (at least 20) and I've used it many times before. I read the side of the cup before pouring my coffee. It said: Mark, meaning "brave". I'll admit, I never saw my dad as brave before, but I do now. These last 10 months as he battled his 3rd bout of lymphoma (and this time in the brain), were some of the most taxing moments of his life. He never complained and he never showed us how much he was hurting...although I think back on how much pain he must have been in.
I wonder and look forward to the signs I will encounter going forward. I think about how close our loved ones are - and while we cannot see them, we will look for the signs and know that they are there.
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